Obama Jokes

Q: Why did Obama step on the cockroach?

A: He hates competition.

Obama wants 2 new faces carved on Mount Rushmore: his

To err is human, to blame it all on George Bush is Barack Obama.

Heavenly Father and Barack Obama: 2 people without birth certificates. But at least Heavenly Father doesn't think He's Barack Obama.

Obama spent $6,000,000,000,000 and all that we got was an Air Force I jacket.

The Obama campaign was handing out "Obama Vs. Outsourcing" bumper-stickers. They were made in China.

Mr. Obama's 2013 New Year's Resolutions

 * Blame the economy on a YouTube video.
 * Get The Secret Service to book the victory party "entertainers."
 * Return The White House china and silverware.
 * Raise prices for Presidential Pardons.
 * Get back the deposit on the paper shredders.
 * Make Hillary Clinton start wearing a burka.
 * Get medical marijuana Gold Card.
 * Dump Chris Matthews for a younger, hotter groupie.
 * Raise Eric Holder's gun sales quota.
 * Give Joe Biden hair plugs coverage in ObamaCare.

When Ronald Reagan left office in 1989, it was the end of an era. When Obama leaves office in 2017, it will be the end of an error.

President Thomas Jefferson made The Louisianian Purchase for $233,000,000. Obama spent more than that while you were reading this.

Q: How does Obama plan to ensure equal rights for men and women?

A: Unemployment.

Obama ended The War On Terror. He surrendered.

Obama recently announced that Egypt was not an ally of The United States. When somebody informed him that it was, he started chasing Joe Biden.

Top 9 Reasons Why You Didn't Vote For Obama
1. Too busy packing for my trip

2. Couldn't decide whether to go to Canada or Mexico

3. Had to get my passport checked

4. Had an argument with my G.P.S. over the fastest route to Canada

5. Too busy reading Mexican cookbooks; I want the food to be good when I move there

6. The line at the airport was crazy!

7. Had to put fuel in my car for my trip

8. My spouse had to pack quite a few things

9. The driver in front of me was a road-hog

Mr. Obama has come up with a new plan after his fiasco in Libya. He's going to rent a U-Haul.

20 coincidences between Obama and Abraham Lincoln
1. Lincoln was elected in 1860, Obama was elected in 2008, nearly 150 years later.

2. Lincoln eliminated involuntary servitude. Obama eliminates private sector jobs.

3. Lincoln and Obama were both married to ugly wives who went crazy.

4. Each man's wife gained over 40 pounds while living at the White House.

5. Lincoln was hit in the head from behind. Obama hides his head up his behind.

6. Lincoln was shot in Ford's Theater. Obama shot up while riding in a Lincoln made by Ford.

7. Both men had vice-presidents who were illiterate Democrat senators.

8. Andrew Johnson nearly lived to the age of 67. Joe Biden nearly has an I.Q. of 67.

9. Lincoln was born in Kentucky, Obama was born in Kenya - before both moved to Illinois.

10. Lincoln and Obama each have a single "O" in their last names.

11. Andrew Johnson had no middle name. Joseph Robinette Biden had a silly one.

12. "JOHN W. BOOTH" and "BILL C. AYERS" each has 10 letters.

13. A Kennedy told Lincoln to take care of his health. Ted Kennedy told Obama to pass health care.

14. Lincoln and Obama are both more feminine than Hillary Clinton.

15. Lincoln was placed on the penny. Obama is not quite worth a penny.

16. Lincoln was not a Muslim. Obama is not an admitted Muslim.

17. Neither Lincoln nor Obama ever wrote a book.

18 Lincoln suffered from major depression. Obama caused a major depression.

19. Lincoln and Obama were both the first President with a beard.

20. Abraham Lincoln had no middle name. You're not allowed to say Barack Obama's middle name.